Making Dreams Real: What You Don't Want

If you find yourself floundering over what you want to do with your life, it can be helpful to first articulate what you don't want. Often you can translate the "don't want" into "want more of" simply by figuring out its opposite.

For example, a friend of mine realized that she doesn't work well in situations where her work is micromanaged down to the last detail - she needs to know that her boss trusts her to make good decisions. The flip side of "Don't want to be micromanaged" could be "Need a reasonable degree of independence" or "Want boss to trust my judgment."

The "don't want" technique is especially helpful when you're unable to come up with any specific positive requirements or attributes for your goals. It works whether you're looking for a job, a partner, a new house or a group of kindred spirits. Ask yourself why you're dissatisfied with your present situation, or what situations/tasks/people gave you problems in the past. Pinpoint the qualities that caused or are currently causing problems. Then make a new list, based on the opposite qualities, of what you're looking for.