Self-Preservation for Servers

'Tis the season. The season for what depends on what you do.

For some it's the season for shopping, partying and merry-making. Cozy times with friends and reunions with family. Church or synagogue activities. Caroling. Fun get-togethers. Vacation days ahead. Chestnuts roasting on open fires and all that jazz.

For those who make the merry-making possible, however, the winter holiday season can be 2-month stressfest: too much overtime (and not enough family time), homesickness, crabby customers, feeling like everybody's favorite shooting target, missing out on gatherings because of work, long hours on tired feet, the feeling that if your head ever hits the pillow you might never wake up, and in the end, a paycheck that barely pays for basic necessities.

I know; I've been there. I vividly remember closing up the candy store where I worked at 9 p.m. on Christmas Eve and realizing that whatever bus was running through downtown Seattle wouldn't get me to the family gathering before everyone else left. Fortunately I was 24, single, mostly footloose and didn't mind overly much. If it had happened half a decade later when I was a working mom, I would have minded terribly. At 32, with a baby, I hated being away from home on holidays.

During those years I often wondered whether it's possible to have a spiritually significant winter holiday season as long as I continued to work in the retail/restaurant field. Later, when I worked in public education, I had official winter breaks but a second "career" in music meant that December was still packed.

Over the course of three decades, including my last 4 years in customer service once again, I've worked out ways to smooth out the bumps and work in as much personally meaningful observance and celebration as possible. Here they are:

• If you're working more than 40 hours per week, either at one job, several PT jobs or a job plus shows/gigs, get as much rest as you can. Yeah, I know, you snort, They all say that. But I mean it. If you're worn to a frazzle, you can't make anyone happy, including yourself. If conditions at home prevent a full night's sleep, consider some occasional creative alternatives to sleeping at home. One friend of mine offered free house-sitting services in exchange for being able to stay at the places she watched. Last December this gave her a total of 10 days away from home, in a bed all to herself with no background TV noise to filter out. She credits the fact that she's still married to her house-sitting gigs. Take naps if you need them. If you drive, keep a blanket and alarm clock or kitchen timer in your car; if you must use the staff room, use headphones as a "do not disturb" signal. And take it easy on the caffeine - past a certain point, it doesn't help.
  
• Even if you're not religious or you don't practice a spiritual/philosophical discipline, take 15-20 minutes every morning to do emotional protective work. If visualizing works for you, close your eyes and create a mental picture of being surrounded by a protective bubble of light, a bubble that allows positive energy in but screens out malicious or detrimental energy. If you pray or do workings, ask for protection from the effects of others' ill intentions. Putting up self-protective energy won't turn you into an unresponsive emotional Vulcan - it will make you less vulnerable to the energy vampires that suck the juice out of you and still leave problems unsolved.
  
• Find a time during each day when you can connect with the spirit of the season as you experience it. For some of my traditional Christian friends this means time for prayer and Bible study. For a Pagan friend who practices a blend of traditional Celtic and Native American Earth spirituality, it means going for a pre-dawn walk. For a Zen Buddhist colleague it means silent mindfulness meditation. And for yet another friend who doesn't belong to an organized religion, it means having a long talk with her sister or mother. You decide what's meaningful to you.
• See what social events you can reasonably do. Tell family/friends that even though you might be late, you still want to come just to check in. If you're short on money or time this year, let them know. If they love you & want to see you, your presence will be what matters, not the price of your gift or quality of your potluck dish.
• If you work in retail you might be able to take time off after the holidays. Request vacations days during January or February, and think about how you really want to spend them. If packing up and flying off to some destination is more stress than it's worth, forget about it. Stay home and catch up on sleep, reading or movie-watching, and visiting friends. On the other hand, if you really want to go somewhere, then go.
• Above all, ask for help and understanding if you need it. This is the hardest thing for me to do! As the oldest of six and a do-er, I feel embarassed asking for help or saying "I'm feeling overwhelmed by all this." But I've learned that if the mother ship sinks, a few piddly life jackets won't do any good. If you're a stiff upper lipper like me, suck it up and ask for help.
  

For the last decade I've experimented with "doing" the holidays and have come up with a rough plan that fulfulls basic obligations (but not unreasonable ones), takes a packed December schedule into account, provides pockets of observance and celebration around the Solstice and Christmas, and gives me (Finally! Yessss!) vacation time in January. Every year my household adjusts our celebrations to fit available times. It's worked for 20 years but it took a lot of experimentation. Toggle and tweak whatever you need to.

Best seasonal wishes to all of you, especially those of you who make celebrations possible by assisting customers, serving food, caring for the ill or elderly or for children, providing music and other entertainment, providing emergency services (EMTs, firefighters, police officers) or who staff the many social services helping those who don't have a place to go. May you find meaning in the work you do as well as in your holiday celebrations.