Link

http://www.slideshare.net/Women_Connect/exit-strategies-at-work

Knowing When It's Time to Move On

During the past month, four of my colleagues in various groups have announced that this will be their last gig / project / meeting with us; it's time to move on. It seems like a season for moving on, given that so many people are doing it. I've often done it myself; for me, after 3-5 years of doing almost any activity or job, boredom sets in and it's time to try something new.

 I've also struggled at times to figure out whether it was really time to leave or whether the restlessness was due to a fixable problem. And sometimes I've overstayed my productive time in a venture simply because there wasn't anything to move on to - at least, not something that would fill the specific hole in my life that the exit would create. Many of us do this.  A friend of mine never leaves her current writers' critique group until she's found a new one; it's that important to her.

 As I've listened to friends talk about their own stay-or-go dilemmas, it has struck me that all the instances share some similarities. It also seems to me that there are a few general guidelines to making a good decision that apply across the board, whether the thing we're leaving is a job, a volunteer duty, an extracurricular activity group, a circle of friends or just a one-to-one relationship.

Unless you've joined your group solely to pursue a certain activity, with no interest in building relationships, three simple questions can help you clarify whether to stay or go:

1. Am I growing in skill level, proficiency, or ability? For example, in musical terms the question could be Am I growing musically? Is my musicianship continuing to develop? A writer may ask herself Is this critique group still helping me become a better writer? If you can still pinpoint specific gains, it may not be time to leave yet.
2. Am I growing socially? For many of us, the things we do outside our paid work are often not only chances to develop skills and aspects of ourselves that don't get practiced on the job; they also provide chances to connect with others. Very few of the adults I know want to limit their lives to working at work and working at home. When most people invest heavily in an off-hours commitment such as PTSA, a church, a book group or yoga class, they're looking for companionship as well as activity . If the time you spend in your own group doesn't seem to be paying off in terms of allowing you to do your best work, but you just love getting together with everyone, it may be worth staying.
3. And perhaps the most important question - am I still having fun? So many people overlook this one, or consider it too selfish to be considered criteria for continuing an activity. However, if it's a "side dish," you're not obligated to keep it, even if you've been doing it forever / everyone in your family is a member / "they" expect it of you / you're indispensible. If it's become a chore or it feels like a joyless obligation, your work and relationships within the group will reflect this. Besides, do you really want to waste precious time on something you don't enjoy, if you have a choice?

You can apply these questions to solo pursuits as well (Should I take a break from writing for awhile? Do I want to stop painting and take up photography?) although the social aspect might not be as strong a factor.

These three questions have helped me evaluate certain involvements in the past. No decision is foolproof, but  asking specific questions makes a better decision likely.

And remember that almost no decision is irreversible. Groups for writers or artists are generally not as exclusive as, say, Harvard medical school.  If you leave your critique group but don't find another or realize you made a mistake, chances are good that you can work your way back in. Most of the time, you can go home again.

But sometimes you don't find out where Home is until you get moving.

Alone and Together: Striking a Balance

During the last four months, my husband has been out of town for weeks at a time, mostly to help care for his mother during a challenging time for the family. Whenever this happens, I take over the dining room table, spreading out projects and leaving works-in-progress laying around for days at a time. I get enormous amounts of creative work done during these times. However, I'm always happy when he arrives back home, partly because I've missed him but also because after a certain amount of solo work time I feel saturated. At that point it's time for a break, and the best type of break is a social one. This year all my various groups are either taking breaks themselves or are in limbo due to personal circumstances, so the usual social outlets aren't there...and the difference is noticeable.

Everyone has a unique ideal balance between solo creative time and communal exchange-of-ideas time. If you're engaged in any side venture that involves creative work (and this includes almost everything, not just the arts), it pays to find your own ideal. This may take some experimentation. In addition, if you have children under the age of 18 or are caring for a family member, you may already be struggling to carve out some solo time. And on top of that, if you have to work outside the home you probably already miss your family so often that whenever you're together, everything else falls by the wayside. Been there, done that.

However, it's still worth your while to experiment or play with creative project time. If you have young children, you could try to find a way for them to participate alongside you. Many of the visual arts and crafts lend themselves well to this. With older kids, striking a bargain ("I'll help you with your homework after I get in fifteen minutes of practice") often works. If you're married or partnered, set up regular solo times for both of you where your partner takes care of family matters while you get to work alone, and vice versa. For some excellent ideas on how to enlist family support, read Wishcraft by Barbara Sher, with special attention to the final chapter, "Don't do-it-yourself."

When you have a regularly scheduled time for solo work, you'll find it easier to respond to the stuff life throws your way without feeling cheated or rushed. The next step is to find or create a group of fellow artists, writers (or whatever) for mutual support. In the next post I'll offer suggestions on finding like-minded people who also see the need for group work.

Keeping your dream going during hard times.

Today I've been thinking about friends going through challenging times, making it seemingly impossible to keep moving forward on a dream or goal. The situations have included caring for a loved one with Dementia, being mired in a period of prolonged unemployment and being flooded out of the house.

In some cases it's necessary to put plans on hold and deal with a disaster or emergency. We all have times when everything comes to a halt. However, when the situation is less dramatic but long-term, you may be selling yourself short if you give up entirely.

During some of my own hard times, writing was the single activity that kept me from going crazy. During a particularly dismal period in the mid-80s following college graduation, when it seemed to me and my friends that none of us would ever find a full-time job at all, let alone work in our various fields, a couple of us formed a writers' group. No matter how unproductive the week had been or how little money was left, I could always count on getting together with my friends not just to write together but to be together. It gave each of us a reason to keep up our efforts even when it seemed they'd never pay off.

Here are some ways to keep your dream active. Some of these are strategies friends shared with me and others are things I've picked up as I've moved along. I'm using novel-writing as the activity example but it could be anything:

• Make a commitment to yourself and write it down. A brief note such as "I intend to write 500 words every day" works. This sends a signal to your subconscious mind that you mean business.
• If your current hard times involve serious financial hardship, don't get trapped into thinking you can't start until you have state-of-the-art equipment & gear (for a writer, that might be a new computer & scriptwriting software) or a closet full of expensive supplies. Start with what you have.
• Start your waking day by writing, even if for only 5 minutes. If you're really strapped for time and privacy, keep a notebook (or your Netbook/tablet) in a space where you won't be disturbed - I once used a closet - and do creative work until you hear the kids bumping around the house. Having done one small thing towards your goal will put a positive spin on your entire morning. 
• Think in terms of small snatches of time, not huge blocks. Write 200 words during your 15-minute break or while waiting for band practice to finish. Those 200 words will add up. 
• Be prepared to grab unexpected opportunities when they come up. Have your project and any necessary supplies gathered in one place. That way, if your meeting is canceled or the parent of your child's friend offers to take her to the library with them, you'll be able to dive right in.
• Before you put the project aside, take a minute to plan what you'll do the next time you work on it. This will eliminate the dithering that might use up half of your next block of free time. 
• If you're especially tired, scattered or discouraged by the day's events, write anyway. Don't expect it to be good; in fact, don't hold your work to any standards at all. Don't feel compelled to work on it for longer than 10 minutes. You might, however, find that once you start, your mood picks up and you want to continue.

When you're stretched to your limit or in the dumps, working on your dream, art form, project or goal may seem like a luxury. But once you experience the energy lift that comes from doing what you love and how it spreads throughout all areas of your life, you'll realize that it's really an investment, one you'll eventually wonder how you lived without.

A Student Again: Just Hang Out & Soak Up the Vibe

This wasn't one of my better days in jazz class. When I left home I took the wrong music notebook by mistake (is there such a thing as too much sheet music?), arrived late and couldn't locate a crucial download in my player. I didn't feel as though I made any progress on the pieces themselves, either. But I was still glad I'd come. One thing made the trip across town worthwhile: hanging around at Beacock's for awhile after class and soaking up all the happy music-making energy.

Several weeks ago there were tables set up in the band section for school kids coming in to rent instruments for the year. All the kids I happened to see looked excited as they inspected, chose and filled out forms for their clarinets, saxes and horns. The rental rush is over now but it was fun to watch while it lasted.

Something's always going on in each corner of the store. Today a group of teenage girls were browsing the pop artist vocal music books and doing their own rendition of Born This Way. Several boys were trying out the drum kits. Upstairs I could hear the garage band class for tweens warming up. I even saw a few other adults strumming guitars or examining sound equipment. They looked as though they were shopping for themselves, not one of their kids. 

When I'm having an "off" day like today, just spending a few extra moments drifting around the store and aimlessly browsing gets me back on track. Hearing kids play and seeing their enthusiasm challenges me to pick myself back  up and practice. Just being around music people gets me going again.

Some days, we take giant steps. On other days, especially the draggy ones, it's enough to just hang out in the right atmosphere and soak it up.

Inspiration Breaks: Time Out to Recharge

A photographer friend Once told me that whenever she feels like she's just going through the motions, her photography reflects her mood. To counter this, she takes a few days off to visit museums, cruise antique & vintage shops, browse through coffee table art books at the library - anything that provides a visual feast. When she gets back to work she's full of fresh ideas and the energy to work them.

No matter what art form you're into, it's likely that at some point you'll run out of steam. Pushing yourself to keep producing won't do any good. You'll actually be much more productive if you take time for an inspiration break. Better yet, schedule these breaks at regular intervals.

The optimal time to take an inspiration break, if you can manage it, is on your day off. If you work in a field like retail, your days off are probably week days, which can work to your advantage if you have kids in school; you'll have 6-8 free hours in which to explore. If you're off during weekends and have kids at home, you can do your exploring at home via books or movies, visit places that have something of interest for kids or plan shorter visits.

No matter how you manage to grab them, inspiration breaks are vital to creativity.

Eating My Words

(I wrote this in 2002. It appeared in a now-defunct online lit mag in 2003. I remembered it this past week when someone told me that she'd love to spend more time writing but...)

It's nice to have dreams and all that, but you gotta make a living, she told me.
You can't eat poetry.


 I said to her Oh, but you can. 
Follow me to the table.
Here we are. There's plenty to choose from.


How about starting out with a glass of delicate white Quatrain?
Or would you enjoy a tankard of Ode instead? 
If you're feeling up to it, we have Pentameter pints as well.


Munch on a handful of crunchy Couplets while we decide what's next. 
You can also have a Pastorale salad or Ghazal on pita bread.

Now for the main course.
If you're really hungry, you might want to try a big juicy Epic doused in sauteed onions and mushrooms, served with a baked potato.
Or for a summery flavor, you might like grilled Idyll with a side of garden vegetables.
Delicate appetites prefer steamed Haiku over rice served with plum sauce.
If you like French cuisine, you'll love the Rondeau du jour.


 For dessert, sample some Villanelle with your coffee
or nibble on freshly baked Limericks.
A liqueur of Sonnet, with hints of rose petals, will round things out nicely.
Whatever you choose, I promise that you won't go away hungry.


I see, she said, surveying the spread before her, that I shall have to eat my words.